In our last class, there was much discussion about the impact of social media and instant-gratification communication. Concerns were raised that it cheapens relationships, encourages narcissism, and leads to further social stratification as groups isolate themselves more and more from others. While my opinion is that there is truth to both the positive and negative of these statements, in class I found myself reacting very negatively and angrily to these statements, likely because of my own personal stake in the matter.
I have Asperger's Syndrome. Among the many symptoms of Asperger's syndrome, the most dominant is a difficulty acting with other people. Of that difficulty is because of atypical behavior, inability or difficulty in reading social cues, or simply a fear or reluctance to socialize. I had components of all of these things, but the point where they affected me most deeply was in High School. I attended a strongly conservative catholic high school. The students were inexperienced with opinions beside their own, and so they held their own opinions strongly, stubbornly, for in their view anyone who did not hold their views was blatantly wrong.
I was that person who did not hold their opinions. I was branded "The Liberal", and any time I spoke up, as I often did, I was met with heavy resistance. Consequent of that, and of the general clique-ish nature of the school, I did not get along with others, and felt isolated from my fellow students, and isolated in general. I often struggled to find people to eat lunch with, often eating with teachers as much as anyone else. I cannot summarize the extent of the isolation I felt in a concise blog post, but rest assured it was intense, and tremendously demoralizing. I had few friends, little to look forward to, and indeed much to look at with trepidation. I was a pariah.
Around the same time that I came into High School, I became part of a forum, and alongside that forum a group on Facebook. These were people I could relate with, far better than I could at my school. And they were not only of my own age, but of many ages, many ethnicities, many nationalities and backgrounds. My friends were from Canada to New Zealand, teenagers to people in their 20s, 30s, even forties. I knew parents and college students and athiests and pagans and gay and transgender people alike. We were vastly different, but we were all united by this same forum, this same localized space on the internet. Many of us were also experienced with being social outcasts.
These people helped me more than any friend I knew in school ever did. I bonded with them over shared interests, I was given a lens into their lives and them into mine. When I struggled, I could turn to them for help. When I suffered from depressive episodes, I went to them for advice, and their advice was useful, empathetic--these were people who suffered as I had suffered, who dealt with problems like I had, and came out the stronger and capable of sharing what they learned with me.
To be honest, I think they saved my life. With my isolation in High School came severe depression. In my senior year I had three instances of self-harm, all three of which I remember distinctly. I missed more and more days of school, and became increasingly overwhelmed with school work. It was through their advice that I was able to bear the problems in my life. It was through their advice that I would call the suicide hotline and get help with my issues before they became more serious. It was through their advice that I knew that they valued and cared for me. Had I not had those online connections, I would have been well and truly alone. I would have had few people to seek advice from, and fewer people I could consider friends. There are times where I wonder if I would have killed myself had I not had the support of my online friends.
Christ. I can still remember those messages I got, how, when I doubted my own abilities, they told me I was sweet and intelligent and funny. Many times I receive compliments and dismiss them out of hand, believing the persons simply trying to make me feel better. But these people, they didn't have any reason to lie to me. More than that, many of them were adults, experienced and mature people, and they considered me valuable. It's emotional to think about it. I was a valued member of that community. I had a place of my own. These friends I continue to hold today, even as I speak more and more rarely with students from my High School.
It is perhaps because of the sufferings and struggles I dealt with as a teenager, and to some extent still struggle with as a young adult, that I sometimes feel angry at my peers. Their ignorance, their behavior, their petty concerns sometimes come to me as an insult, as though they choose to be ignorant of suffering like my own, and of suffering much worse. When I hear some of the complaints about social media, I hear complaints about people who are in that comfortable position where they can yearn for the good old days, the days that were so much misery to me.
Many of the people in my class likely will not know of such isolation and self-devaluation as I felt. They lead privileged lives, not merely in wealth and social status, but in their own abilities. They went through high school with friends that made school bearable, I did not. Many of them did not struggle with depression or other mental illnesses, I did. They do not understand what it feels to be so alone, so isolated, so impotent. I felt as though I were a freak, deficient and broken. It was that online community that made me feel like a whole person.
So yes, maybe social media has its problems, maybe it has its concerns. But I'd much rather have it than be without it.
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