What exactly makes one an adult? I ask myself if I'm an adult, and the first response that comes out of my head is no, I'm not an adult, I'm simply Max. Certainly by some standards I'm an adult, by other standards I might not be. Biologically speaking I'm considered more or less at adult development, and psychologically speaking I'd like to think I've matured, but other so-called indicators of adulthood I do not have. I am not self-sufficient, I do not have a full-time job, and I have never had sex. I am certainly working towards those things, but as yet I have not reached them.
For me, adulthood is an irrelevant concept. Certainly I feel more mature now than I have in prior years, but at what point do I cross the threshhold into becoming an adult? Can we quantify exactly what I need to do in order to be an adult? Asking whether or not I'm finally an adult seems to me the wrong way to approach things, as the concept of adulthood to me implies an end of growth. Youth is associated with growth and learning, while adulthood is associated more with applying what one has learned to the world, and for some, stagnation.
I think that is the wrong way to go about things. I think it makes more sense to view oneself as, in a sense both. Constantly growing and learning, and constantly applying that. When I look at my peers and my elders, it helps me to remind myself that though they may present themselves as mature and well-composed, the truth is they are most likely the same as I am. They have their anxieties, their vulnerabilities, their hopes and fears. In a sense they are still children, as I am.
Adulthood to me implies a certain sense of control. Over oneself, and over our immediate environment. If I go by that definition, then in truth I don't think we ever stop being children. We are always in a world far larger than us, more complex than we are aware, and full of unknowns we do not and may never know. We are always full of anxieties and uncertainties and a certain sense of smallness and a dependence on others around us. The only difference is that as children, there are people larger than us, more put together than us, authority figures to keep us safe. Yet adults do not have something like that, because death tends to end that maturation quite squarely. So certainly compared to children we are stronger, but who are we compared to forty- and fifty-year olds having their mid-life crises? And who are they compared to seventy- and eighty- year olds in the twilight of their years? If we become adults at 20, well what is the rest of that time?
If adulthood is anything, it's not a single threshold we pass and are done with. Rather, it is a constant bettering, towards more self-control, towards becoming more reasoned, more thoughtful, more empathetic people. It is a path towards acknowledging and accepting our limitations, and the limitations of others, and being able to make better choices with those limitations in mind. It'll never be perfect, though. The facade breaks, we make poor choices, we lose composure and control, and sometimes we throw what is essentially the same sort of tantrums we had as children, it only looks different. And of course, in time we will get older and die, and all of us are beggars there.
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