Another class done. Another year done.
Looking out on everything, I guess I'm a little surprised I got to where I was. Two years ago, I couldn't imagine myself being where I am now. I've made a great many strides, along with missteps, and a lot of things in between. This class has facilitated quite a few of those, and I've learned a few things. I think here is one of the things that, if I didn't learn it from this class, the class certainly contributed.
What makes an adult?
College is, in many ways, a safety net. Another layer between childhood and adulthood, partway in between, but feeling a little too geared towards the former rather than the latter. Certainly, we're leaving home, and we have the ability to determine our fates somewhat with our choices of classes and careers, and through our grades. Yet at the same time, I live in an environment paid for ahead of time, no worries of bills or other things. I have teachers and other adults to guide me. And there's a persistent belief that College is just a gauntlet, and after coming out of the gauntlet I will have the rewards of a good job and a happy life.
But life isn't quite that simple is it?
After I get out of college, I have the job market to deal with, and in this economy that's not a comforting thought. After that, there are the numerous responsibilities I will have to face that in college I would take for granted. Little details, like washing my own dishes, not going out every night to get food or get it from a dining hall. Cleaning up my room rather than being content to leave it when the year is done for someone else to take care of. And so on. But all those things stack up.
Then there are the relationships. No more sitting in a cramped sardine full of people. Now it won't always be as simple as running into people I'm interested in. Now I'll have to go out, out of my comfort zone, into new places, and hope there are other people looking for the same things I am.
And then of course I die, eventually. Maybe not for a while, but in time that fact will become very real.
But at that point, who do I turn to? Who do I go to for advice? Who do I get to help me solve these problems? How do I even solve them?
I think adulthood is when you realize that everyone's as confused as you are.
When you realize that no one has all the answers, and that you know as much as the rest of them. When you realize that the advice is just that, advice, and that they can't take into account every outcome, every factor, that there is no certainty in the outcomes of your choices. You, like everyone else, are stepping into an uncertain future, and nothing is guaranteed.
Adulthood is when you realize that you're alone.
When you realize that there are some things where no one can help you. Questions of what to believe, of what will make you happy, and how to get there. People can give you advice, but they can't make you follow it, and they can't always make it easier. In the end, the steps towards the outcome can be made only by yourself. You will have no warm hand to hold onto leading you towards the goal. The only hands you have to hold are your own.
Adulthood is when you realize that you're not alone.
When you realize that you are not an island. There are people all around you, who care about you and want you to succeed, and whom you depend on in more ways than one. People who you can reach out to, if not for guidance than for support, something so simple yet so meaningful. When you realize that things such as love and compassion are real and existent in the world, and in ways that make the adolescent infatuations and flurry of young adult emotions pale in comparison. When you realize that you can make a meaningful difference in others lives, and that others have made a meaningful difference in your own.
Adulthood is a lot of things. Complicated things. Paradoxical things. Frightening things. And it's never an absolute. It's a process, and one I'll go back and forth on until the day I die.
But adulthood is also about knowing all that, looking at that great confusing, paradoxical, frightening mass in the eye, and saying "Yeah, I'll play along."
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